From Courtship to Covenant: Preparing for a Christian Marriage

““Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost?””

Luke 14:28

Falling in love can make the future seem wonderfully simple. You enjoy being together, share many interests, and can imagine growing old beside one another.

But Christian marriage asks a deeper question than, “Are we in love?”

It asks, “Are we prepared to build a life together?”

Jesus speaks about the wisdom of counting the cost before beginning something significant (Luke 14:28). Marriage deserves that same thoughtful preparation.

Before marriage, couples should have honest conversations about the things that will eventually become part of everyday life.

Start with faith.

What does following Christ mean to each of you? Will you worship together? How will prayer fit into your home? If you hope to have children, how will you raise them in faith?

Then talk about money.

Discuss income, savings, debts, spending habits and financial expectations openly. Financial secrecy before marriage rarely becomes financial harmony afterward.

Talk about children. Do you both want them? What are your thoughts about parenting, discipline and education?

Talk about careers. Where will you live? What happens if one person’s career requires relocation? How will household responsibilities be shared?

And talk about family.

Marriage joins not only two individuals but often two networks of relationships, traditions and expectations. Discuss boundaries with parents and extended family before those boundaries become sources of conflict.

Couples should also learn how they disagree.

The important question is not whether you have arguments. It is what happens during them. Can you listen without humiliating the other person? Can you admit when you are wrong? Can you forgive?

Christian courtship is therefore not an extended audition in which both people present only their best selves.

It should gradually become a place of honesty.

Premarital counselling can be enormously valuable here. A priest, pastor or qualified Christian counsellor may identify areas a couple has never considered discussing.

Marriage in Scripture is described in the language of covenant. Covenant goes deeper than convenience. It says, in effect, “I am choosing to walk faithfully with you.”

The wedding day is beautiful, but it lasts only a few hours.

The marriage may last sixty years.

Preparing carefully for those years does not diminish romance. It gives love somewhere strong enough to live.